Although I thirsted for both spiritual and physical pleasure, and longed to be with the man I loved, I was still a traditional woman outwardly. No matter how much I love a man, I will not put him before my parents, no matter how eager I am to try, I will not make love with anyone other than my beloved. This is my principle. However, something happened yesterday that extended the barrier of my principle to another area.
The affirmation of the saying that a solitary yang does not give birth to a solitary yin validates the normality of my sexual orientation. However, yesterday’s encounter in the women’s restroom at school made me hate this approach even more. It’s true, and I don’t want it to be. Maybe this is fate.
Yesterday, around 3:30 pm, after handing in my work from the office, I was laughing with my classmates and walking towards the school gate, feeling slightly urinated on the way. The door of the toilet on the second floor was ajar, and from time to time a wisp of smoke came out from the crack of the door, accompanied by a burst of laughter, and I thought it would not be a fire.
In front of me, seven or eight girls were standing in the window of the toilet, the corner of the wall, etc. Four or five people were holding cigarettes in their mouths, leaning against each other in twos and threes. I think this is the school’s LES circle, dressed a little neutral is T, the rest is P. The toilet is full of smoke, I entered the stillness of their play, only a pair of still whispering.
In an instant, I had the urge to go out immediately. I had already walked in completely, and if I went out immediately, I was sure that those people would get the wrong idea or even think bad thoughts. I was afraid of offending people, of people talking about how bad I was when I didn’t know it, even if they didn’t know me!
I had to walk into a pit and close the door. I could hear a man outside whispering to another man, “Ngong Huat (or is it airplane hair… I didn’t hear it). I can’t hear you.) She’s not bad looking. Depends on what you mean.”
“Aren’t you usually pretty cool?” “That’s right.” “Ungava, that’s what you mean.”
I was afraid, and began to regret that I hadn’t just walked out of here.
I pulled on my pants, thought about getting out of here as fast as I could, and prayed for smooth sailing.
I pushed open the door, and a woman with yellow hair cut me off in two steps. It wasn’t ugly, just a little masculine. But I was just afraid of that face, not knowing what he was going to do next, calculating the possibilities in my mind, but trying to avoid the rude part. Before I could say anything, she spoke up.
“Are you seeing anyone? Is it from the circle?” She pretended to be slightly deeper, saying.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m sorry my friend is waiting for me over there.” With that I turned around and tried to go around her and out the door, but she blocked me at once. But she blocked it all at once, and I didn’t say anything, still walking the other way, as I least expected, she blocked it again. There was a slight sound of laughter. At this point, I was hoping so much for a girl to come in, or to see the hard-working figure of the cleaning lady. I, who did not often enter this dormitory, instantly understood why no one was on the second floor, but everyone was on the first. But it was too late.
“What do you want?” I asked, pretending to be calm. But I was a little weak in the legs.
“I want you.” He said, changing his deep voice to arrogance. I tried to get around him, but he blocked me. A wave of disgust came over me, and I wrenched his shoulders away from me and walked toward the door. The girls around me booed me, as if they were trying to provoke the woman into doing something by laughing.
Sure enough, she pulled me back with one hand. I pushed against him, but I felt so powerless and even desperate. I tried to keep my face away from his mouth, but I couldn’t resist her. Her mouth was still attached to mine, and I even wanted to bite her lips and run out of here immediately. I was even tempted to bite her lips and then immediately run out and escape from here, never to enter the building again. But I was afraid, and even more afraid that I wouldn’t get out of here, that they would do something even more horrible and unknown to me, but I just prayed that someone would come in, and that it would be over soon.
I pushed my hands as hard as I could against his ribs, probably from the pain of my nails. He shrank back and motioned for help from the people around him. They came one by one, two women holding my shoulders, one grabbing me around the waist from behind, and the others gathered around me. I kicked my legs in desperation as the other women coerced me, but my resistance was futile. My pants were pulled down to below my knees. The woman gouged me hard with her fingers at my thighs.
In addition to pain and despair, I was humiliated.
I cried out, “Help me,” and the woman who had been the owner of the house at my waist was in despair.
The woman who had been the owner of my waist realized this and quickly covered my mouth, my whole body was fixed at an angle in a big figure. I don’t know what to do. Come on people, please. My lower body continued to be invaded, and several women around me played with my breasts from time to time.
The woman asked proudly, “Did you enjoy that? Being my woman makes you feel good every day.”
“How in the world can there be such a woman? Are they still women? Are they still human? Aren’t you afraid of retribution for violating human decency?” I cursed, desperate.
At that moment, she pulled her finger out and smeared a little of my secretion on my lips, and then her finger reached desperately into my mouth.
I continued to struggle, even if there was only a little hope.
A woman dressed as a P next to me asked me with a little mockery, “Are you comfortable?”. Afterwards a chubby T-shaped guy next to him said, “Either she’ll make you feel good?” After she nodded, the fat man took the woman’s pants off, grabbed me by the hair, and pressed my nose and mouth parts to her crotch. I’d had enough. A woman behind me spit on my ass and shoved her finger up my ass hard. When I wouldn’t lick, the guy behind me pushed harder and harder. I can’t remember the details, but it felt like a long time, so I was pressed into the straddle of two P’s, and my bottom was always being played with. I tried hard to tell myself that I was being humiliated, but I could still feel the pleasure in my lower body, and I preferred not to feel it. I wanted to forget about it.
After they did that to me, wiped my bottom, and talked to me, the woman who started it took my cell phone out of my bag, entered his phone number, slipped it into my bag, kissed my forehead, and said she was sorry. I was in a trance, but I still remember the threat she made after apologizing: “This is not honorable, so watch it. Contact me sometime.”
I walked out, checked my phone, and only 23 minutes had passed between the time I entered the building and the time I went out to the bathroom.
Right now, I didn’t know who to talk to, but I just wanted to say, I’m sorry. I didn’t make it to the end, and I’m not a good woman.