Facing the future of marriage, some people have a sense of fear, while some people have beautiful fantasies, especially women. Most women pile marriage have very good fantasy, fantasy after marriage husband will still create romantic surprises for themselves, fantasy and husband will call every day sweet talk and so on. The most important thing is that you have a good idea of what you want to do.
Fantasy 1: You’ll get used to sharing each other’s interests
Fact: You think you’ll lovingly accept everything about each other and take his interests as your own. You fantasize that you’ll be able to hold your heads together and be in harmony, a fantasy that you’ll never want to experience the power of steering a horse with him after you’ve been bruised and battered by a stubborn horse. By contrast, you’d much rather curl up at home on the couch, cuddling your well-behaved puppy and watching soap operas while he scoffs at your interest.
Mood rescue: Instead of forcing yourself to share his interests, it’s better to have a never-ending supply of fresh topics to talk about because of your different interests, and it’s enough to just be there for each other when they need you to share their happiness or pain with them. Each having their own separate mental space will bring both parties closer.
Fantasy 2: After marriage you will be eager to cook each other his favorite meals and be happier to see him eat them than you are
Fantasy 2: After marriage you will be eager to cook each other his favorite meals and be happier to see him eat them than you are
indent:2em;text-align:left;”>Fact: Unless one of you has a persistent love of cooking, sooner or later you will both abhor cooking and put off doing the dishes after the meal. Some women are also often angry with their husbands for taking it upon themselves to eat her favorite dishes, so it seems that the scenario of love as sustenance is just a pre-marital blip.
Mood Rescue: Marriage is a joint effort between two parties, which should also include working together to run your dinner table. It’s also the fairest way to solve the cooking problem.
Fantasy 3: No matter what the disagreement is, you’ll come up with a compromise
Fantasy 3: No matter what the disagreement is, you’ll come up with a compromise
Fact: You’ll find that after marriage your husband will carry on with you over the smallest things, and you’ll become calculating yourself.
Mood rescue: You can’t tell who’s right and who’s wrong in a fight, so don’t expect you to make peace and work out a compromise solution that satisfies both of you, and don’t ever expect him to be like you, who can’t wait to get home to visit your mother every weekend. And you don’t have to force yourself to agree with the lousy stock he’s ready to buy. When a disagreement occurs, only when one of you makes concessions and tolerates for a while, your life can say goodbye to the war. That’s when peace of mind is more important than anything else!
Fantasy #4: You’ll still chase each other on the phone every day like you used to when you were temporarily separated by business trips
Mood Rescue: In fact, what’s wrong with that? The only way to keep your body healthy is to breathe freely, and that’s true for marriage too!
Fantasy 5: After marriage, you will still have long conversations from time to time like you did before marriage
Fact: After marriage you realize that your husband seems to have said everything he had to say to you before marriage, and he always responds to your chatter with the briefest of words, and sometimes even goes so far as to turn a deaf ear and pretend to be deaf. Of course you will have moments of talking all night long, but that will likely be an all-night brawl.
Mood rescue: Not getting enough sleep is not good for your physical and mental health, and talking all night should not be as much fun as having a good sex session and then cuddling up together. If you’re really lacking in conversation, add some opportunities to eat out, or talk for a while while you do chores and watch TV, or you can keep a notebook and write down what you want to say that’s important to each other, and over time, you’ll see that you’re not talking any less than you did all night long.
Fantasy #6: If one of you is sick, either of you will have to be there undressed
Fantasy #6: If one of you is sick, either of you will have to be there undressed
Fact: Even if you are home with a fever, he will go out to socialize and return late as usual, and whenever he yells and screams at the slightest illness, you will have restrained boredom and sometimes even surprisingly have the idea of running away.
Mood Rescue: Don’t be too demanding of yourself and others to be too perfect, and since you’ll be running around in tears over the sickness of the puppy you have, use some of that same patience for your loved one, who is vulnerable at this time, both physically and mentally.
Fantasy 7: After marriage he will keep the promise he made when he proposed to you, and he will change all his flaws for you
Fact: After the wedding, he acted like he had accomplished an important mission, not only forgetting all about his promise, but also adding more faults that you couldn’t tolerate because he was completely lax. You’re mentally berating him for being a liar, and your hands are helplessly washing his smelly socks and cleaning up his perpetually messy room.
Mood Rescue: Don’t expect to use your marriage to change each other. The first thing you should do is to try to slowly accept or downplay some of his flaws. The first thing you need to do is to look at what’s cute about him, and what’s not is just a different perspective.
Fantasy 8: After marriage, his money is your money, and it should be yours to keep
Fact: You’ll always find money in his wallet from an unknown source, and the first thing he thinks about when he earns an extra income is buying himself a digital camera or a couple of gaming software packages. The relationship is a bit like “cat and mouse,” with you asking questions when he’s surprised and unsuspecting, trying to find out how much money he has stashed in his coffers.
Mood rescue: don’t say his money is your money, but emphasize to him that “we earn money for the family, and the money we earn is the family’s”, I believe most men have a sense of family I believe most men have a sense of family responsibility. The more the husband’s money is like sand in your hand, the tighter you clutch it the more it leaks, so it’s better to let go of it in moderation, and he will no longer be on guard against you.
Fantasy 9: After marriage you will tell each other everything about yourself without reservation
Fact: Pay close attention to your daily conversations, are they all about “What’s for dinner?” “Whose house are we going to on the weekend?” “It’s time to pay the utility bill again!” You can’t tell him what you’re really thinking, like “I’d love to have dinner with that handsome actor on TV” or “Can I keep this money for my own personal use”, and he certainly hasn’t told you He must not have told you that his previous girlfriend was sexier than you, or that a female colleague at work was making passes at him. After marriage, you both learned to keep the really important things to yourselves.
Mood rescue: “Distance is beautiful” especially in modern marriages, and hiding something means you still care deeply about each other. The first thing you need to do is to make sure that you have a good idea of what you are doing.